Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Preparing to Head Back to Saipan

I’m packed. Probably the earliest I’ve ever completed that chore on the night before a flight. This gave me a chance to hang out with my friends Dave and Sandy. They’ve been my saviors here in LA. From numerous transportation efforts and family meals to a roof over my head and the company of friends from the good old Club Med days, the hospitality has been more than anyone could ever ask for.
On this last day in LA many things have come to mind that, in an odd sort of way, made me think how grateful I am this heart issue and resulting surgery happened. Of course I can only say that now because I’m doing really well. No real issues I can’t live with. Sure there’s a scar but who really cares about that. Besides don’t chicks dig scars? I also feel at ease because I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent the rapid heart beat that triggered the chain of events of the past three months. Once diagnosed I really had no other choice than to have open-heart surgery unless of course a quickly deteriorating level of health and probable premature death was what I had in mind. The cause and outcome also means no major life style changes are necessary although the events have been a much needed wake up call for the tweaks required to give myself the best chance of keep things going for a while longer!

So, I really am just happy to be alive and realize, among other things, that without the need to come to LA my daughter would never have played with Dave and Sandy’s boys at this age. All of us now have memories that will make seeing each other in the future that much more special and I’m sure by then Ryan will realize I’m not Morgan but rather Morgan’s dad!

I knew this time away from my family was going to be really hard and I know it doesn’t compare to many others who’s jobs or circumstances regularly take them away from home for great stretches but that doesn’t make it suck any less. I feel like I’ve missed the whole crawling phase of my little guy’s life and that doesn’t sit well. Today when walking around Target and noticing far to many babies and kids the same age as mine I couldn’t help but get excited knowing that I’d soon be back to being a dad and a husband. It’s the type of giddiness that coined the term “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, because it really has.

Three weeks ago if it were not for my decision to remain in LA and do a cardiac rehab program I’m not sure I’d feel the same level of excitement about going back to Saipan as I do now. Besides had I made the choice to return I wouldn’t have met these fine ladies from Torrance Memorial.
Nor would I have been able to say I’ve shared an apartment at Seal Beach in Southern California with Michael Jordan. I likely would not have gone to DEMA and perhaps most importantly I know I would never have met my little friend Rudy who’s family’s circumstances reminds all of us to stop and smell the roses and appreciate every moment we have even if it doesn’t always seem like much fun.
You go little guy, I'm thinking of you in more ways than one.

It seems much easier for me now just to be happy I’m alive. There is something extremely freeing to be able to do that easily. We often think it or say it but to really feel it and recognize it often every day is something I’m not sure was possible for me three months ago. Life really is short and what’s important is your family, your friends and the ability to recognizing the little things most people take for granted.
I’ll likely be off the air for a few days as I fly over the Pacific but one of my intentions upon returning home is to pick up where I left off with a racing heart beat. I also plan on going SCUBA diving within 24 hours of my plane touching down in the Marianas so stay tuned!

For those of you coming into this little open heart surgery discussion a little late you can find all the posts easily by clicking on the Open Heart Surgery Labels at the bottom of this post or by clicking on the links under open heart surgery over on the right hand side of the blog. Those ones are listed in chronological order!


mark r said...

Have a great flight. Lookin' forward to seeing you back on our little rock. I guess we can now say with certainty: "You've got a good heart, man!"

KelliOnSaipan said...

Yay! It will be good to have you back on island. Safe travels.